Today I heard from a client: I hate that I am needy. And my response was - hold on a second. You are a human being, not a robot. Human beings are BORN bidding for connection. Think of a little newborn baby. The moment a baby is born, they reach out, cry out, express need to be held close and comforted.
The human need for connection is inherent and is wired into our attachment systems and nervous systems. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you for having needs. In fact, that desire for connection is a sign of health.
In the past couple decades, there has been a lot of emphasis on co-dependency and the need to be independent vs. co-dependent. And while there is merit and truth to these ideas, there has also been some misconstrued messages from this that we should just be completely secure on our own and somehow free of any emotional reaction on a partner or a relationship. That idea is just not human. OF COURSE we look to our relationships for support. OF COURSE our emotions are affected by our partners and our relationships! That is a normal and wonderful part of relationships.
AND! When we experience a lot of anxiety in relationships and notice that it’s perhaps the worrying about the relationship is bothering you or affecting the relationship - this is good information that there is some deep healing work available to you. How exciting!!
There are amazing ways to learn to tend to the wounded parts of ourselves and give our own selves some of the comfort and care that we naturally need. That way we can feel grounded enough to express our emotions and needs from a conscious place, rather than react from a subconscious pattern. This can create the security and INTERdependent dynamic in relationships that we desire!
Final message: Your needs are valid. You are allowed to have needs in a relationship. You are worthy of a partner who is emotionally available enough to meet those needs!
Danielle shares thoughts, insights, and musings through blog posts here. Topics relate to mindfulness, spirituality, and healing.